Are you a crab in the barrel? Do you envy others? Are you jealous? Take a moment and ask yourself these very important questions. Be totally truthful with yourself.

If you answered yes, ask yourself, “Why am I this way?” “How do I overcome this crab in a barrel mentality?”

Every one of us know of someone who behaves in this manner (it can very well be ourselves) and it can be quite challenging to connect and have a healthy relationship with them. As we all very well know, “Hurt People” hurt others. When we understand that any healthy relationship starts with us. If you do not love yourself, how can you love anyone else? If we are hurting, we are going to hurt someone else. When we hurt others we somehow believe that we unintentionally hurt them. This analogy can be a very false form of thinking. My belief is that we need to go back to the very beginning of our lives to see where this wayward thinking began. Who hurt you? Do you believe that by hurting someone else that they are going to feel the pain that you feel? No one else can read your mind and know what you are feeling.

When you go to the doctor you have to tell the physician what is ailing you before you can be diagnosis with a condition or illness. Can we all agree that healthy communication about the way we are feeling is key? Make sure that we are being truthful about our feelings and not trying to gain sympathy. Get to know yourself so that you can really know how to validate our own feelings. Blaming others for how we are feeling is not the answer. Each of us play a role in our happiness as well as our unhappiness, which is why we can never put all the blame on anyone else. Love, Love, Love yourself…I cannot express it enough.

Many households and workplaces today are filled with a bucket of crabs. It is that adversary behavior that keeps us mentally exhausted. You come home to it and you go to work with it. When does it end? Or is it a never ending story?

Nip it in the bud… take personal ownership of your own behavior and actions. If you are the “Elephant in the room.” It is your responsibility to own your own mess. No one should have to clean up the mess of a capable adult.  Like parents use to say, “You mess it up, you clean it up.”

First thing first, own it. Admitting that you are the problem is the only way that you will be able to fix the problem. No, not all of it is yours but you are honing in on yourself. Remember that we can only change ourselves; we cannot change anyone else. The truth hurts but it is the only way that we can create the positive transformation within ourselves. We are a creatures of habit and change is not easy. It takes many failed attempts before we can see results; but “practice makes perfect.” Try and try again until you get it right.

Allow yourself some “get to know myself time.” Tune out the world; turned off the television, social media, monitor your phone calls, limit your association at and away from work. Go to a quiet place and allow yourself plenty of uninterrupted alone time. We like to say, that there is not enough hours in the day but remember we make time for all the things we deem important.  A healthy mind, heart, and spirit is of great importance because it is what emits from your spirit. This is what you put out into the universe and it is what everyone else sees. This is what you will start to see as well. When we know better, we do better.

Now that you are quiet and alone, question yourself? For example: Who am I? What do I love about me? Am I happy with myself? What do I need to change about myself to make me love me and be a better me for me? Give yourself pep talk, affirmations and reminders why it is important for you to be a better you.
Question everything and everyone? Surround yourself with positive people and environments. Be comfortable in the skin and body that you are in. No two people are alike and we are created differently for a reason. Many of times we want to fit our square peg in a circle; it won’t fit. Just be who you are but you cannot be you until you find out who you are. Do not keep being a Crab; pulling others down because you are hurting, miserable, ashamed, jealous, competitive; you name it. Let this saga end…begin a new chapter.

Know that we do not have stay the same and not all days will be full of roses but we can make the best out of any circumstance.

Life is full of ups and downs and no matter what someone else’s life or lifestyle seems to you; they are not without pitfalls. Some people realize that life is what you make it and some things in life are out of our control. But despite all; it is our own desire and willingness to live a happy productive life style.

Keep looking inward and continue improving yourself. The grass is never as green as you make think…it only seems that way. Find things in life that makes you content; going for walks, cooking, reading, and going to the movies alone. Do what makes you smile; know that everyone is not going to like you, no matter how hard you try. It’s totally okay.

Remember to love yourself and the people that love you.

Written by: -L.J. 09/14/2018