It’s Me or the Grave

It’s Me or the Grave

We are being slaughtered everyday by the very people that confess to loving and caring for us. Everyday that we remain in unhealthy relationships (marriages, friendships, Kinship), we are sub-coming to sickness or and early death.

Until each of us learn to love ourselves, we cannot love anyone else. What most of us do not understand is that love is not about you all the time. Many of us proclaim to love vocally only, no action or substance to prove your love for another.

It is very disheartening when someone say that they love you but you cannot feel it.

When you are pulling all the weight and they just stand on the side line watching but never offering to help you carry the load. Many will use the excuse, “you did not ask for my help?”

Do you really need to be asked?

What happened to just roll up your sleeves and jumping in to assist where it is needed?

You can turn yourself into a doormat and those that say that they love you will wipe their feet on you and keep stepping on you day after day. Things will continue this way until you learn that loving yourself is important. It is important to your health, mind, body, spirit, and well-being. You need to love you in order to sustain. When you are dealing with others that you love and they don’t know what love is, you must set boundaries.

I always say, if I am 10 on your list then you are 10 on my list. Why should I make you #1 and I am only #10 on your list? I know that it is easy to say that we should not have any expectations of others, but I beg the differ. Sometimes we need someone or others to be there for us. Sometimes emergencies arise and we need those very ones to show up and show out, unfortunately, those are the very ones that deflate our spirits every time.

Sometimes people find out about love only in death. This is the inevitable; they no longer have a crutch; the person that they thought that they could always count on, no matter what. If it is not death then you may find the will to walk away because you have become fed-up and have had enough. Now, you are told that you have changed, became cold-hearted and bitter or you just do not care.

No one ever expect someone to stop caring; you are supposed to continue to love, care, give and love unconditionally. You are supposed to wait for others to mature or allow them time after time to get it right. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust…when will that be?

Sickness or death for whom?

Set boundaries with everyone, especially with those that say they care but are never available when you need them. Saying no and letting go is never easy but is it worth your health? Is it worth your life?

If others are not there for you when you are strong and healthy, where will they be when you are sick?

Many of them will be the common denominator in the failing of your health. There isn’t anything anyone can do for you after death. Life is for the living…enjoy life and live it to the fullest. Surround yourself with those that are there for you and show up and show out, to show you that not only do they care but to remind you that you matter.

 

Written by -L.J. on 02/07/2019

 

Bright Lights or Dimmers

Bright Lights or Dimmers

Many of times when we look in the mirror, we are not looking at our true selves; we are thinking that we are either to big or to small; we simply do not like who we see in the mirror. It is not until we are alone with our thoughts in our inner personal space where we truly examine ourselves.

We truly see who we are. Who we are is not an outward appearance because a wolf can disguise himself in sheep’s clothing!

Our inward appearance is what highlights, our outward appearance. Who are you?

Have you ever seen people step out of their homes dressed to the nine but whenever you have entered the inside of their homes you would say, is this the same person?

Our insides should match our outer appearance but often this is not the case because we are impersonating someone else. We all have issues but some of us have more extreme issues then others.

Some of us are willing to see the inside of us and try to do some self-reflection and improvement of ourselves. Some of us know deep down inside who we are but refuse to change the things that we keep our lights from shining brighter. Some of us are just rotten to the core but insanity, ego, self-righteousness, and vanity keeps our lights dim and people are afraid to have a relationship with us.

You are dangerous and some of you know it and believe that you like who you are, but you truly do not. The proof is in the pudding, you are lonely and starving for attention. Your mind is saying one thing, but your actions is saying it all.

*** I am afraid* I am lonely * I want to be loved * I don’t know how *I am hurting***

But you keep trying to convince yourself that you could do without all of this but why be overly concerned when no one wants to be in your company.

Are you the elephant in the room?

Do you change the mood of the environment within a group setting? Are you in denial? Do you need to work on yourself? As one of my good friends would say, “I know when I get on my own nerves.”

When you can recognize your own idiosyncrasies and how it makes you feel, imagine what it would do to someone else? Don’t dish it if you cannot take it.

We will all meet our match and it is no fun to be challenged unnecessarily. Healthy challenging allows us to grow in compassion, wisdom, and understanding but foolery at its finest is a headache.

Are you a Bright light or are you a dimmer?

 

Written by: -L.J. 02/07/2019

That’s LOVE

THAT’S LOVE
What is love? Many of us do not truly understand what love is. We are always telling our friends and those that we say we love, “ I love you.”
I believe that love is more of an action than a verbal exchange. “Actions speaks louder than words..” I would rather be respected and appreciated than to be told, “I love you.”
The word love to me is used to loosely and way to frequently. It is as if love has been devalued. One thing for sure, love is kind and it does not hurt. When we love we are always trying to finds ways to show others that we love them by being respectful, supportive, and loyal. Many of us say we love another and what we are often times infiltrating is a sputum of hate.
Do you know that you cannot honestly love anyone else until you know how to love yourself?
Loving yourself entails; respecting yourself, being kind to yourself and truly being honest with yourself and continuously trying to transform yourself into the highest you that you can be.
Love to me is like looking into a mirror, what you see and feel about yourself is what you emanate to those that you say you love. Love is not harsh! Many of us are truly unkind and we never want to get to the root cause of our hurt and pain. We are still playing the blame game and making others feel guilty for not being able to fix what they did not break. I am not responsible for your brokenness. I cannot love you if you will not be receptive and allow me to love you.
Love is like having someone reach for your hand and you extend your hand toward their hand to embrace. That’s love!
Meeting each other half way…I am talking about a 50/50 love. Love is balanced; my strengths compensate for your weaknesses and your strengths compensate for my weaknesses. Love is like having a paralyses and you use a cane as a support to help balance you when you stand or walk. That’ love! Love is not overcompensating with money, gifts, and never being able to say, no.  It is not for us to try to live each other’s lives; love is being the right amount of balance for one to step in to keep you from drowning.
We get upset with others if they tell us “no” and try to us this as leverage as a way to measure whether or not they love us. This is wrong…love is not measured. When you love, you do it unconditionally, knowing that we all have our own idiosyncrasies.
Place yourself directly in front of a mirror and say, (your name) “I Love You!”
Do this as often as needed until you allow yourself to believe that you love you. Know that we were designed to be imperfect and this is no excuse for us not to love or to be loved. That’s Love!
Written by: -L.J. 01/01/2019

Get Off My Back

Micromanagement does not work; research has proved this.

For those supervisors and managers that are always walking around checking to see what their employees are doing, finding small minuet things to concern themselves with. I believe that they have too much time on their hands.

They should roll up their sleeves and jump in to assist with the workload. Some superiors seem to have more concerns with the employees that stay to themselves and can multitask but meet their productivity goals.

I know that many companies prefer their employees to not be on their cellphones during work hours, but some employees work better if they are able to multitask. What needs to be considered is that employees are not going to produce no more than they desire.

You must remember that you have doers and those who are not going to do. It does not matter if there is an incentive or not.

Why is it that we envisioned the workplace much different than the world? The workplace is filled with people from all walks of life, they are just confined to a much smaller space.

Some superiors like to speak loudly so that they can be heard throughout out the office when they approach you at your desk about a work-related issue.

Is this an ego thing or is this a childhood issue resurfacing?

Some employees are not at all interested in being friends are rubbing elbows with their superiors and this should be respected; nor taken as an insult nor as disrespect. Those employees that work very hard at making their bosses feel important are often pretending so that they stay off the radar.

Many employees believe that they must treat their superiors a certain way in order to protect their jobs.

We are not children; we do have the right to choose. We come to work for one common cause; to produce revenue for the company. We do not come to work to make friends, we can be cordial.

I do not believe in participating in work events that I do deem necessary.

If you treat me as if I do not deserve your respect, why would I participate in an employee appreciation, recognition, or any type of team building exercise or experience?

Especially, when you know that it is not sincere, and you are not valued and respected as an employee.

Many times, superiors will retaliate against their employees if they believe that they gave a bad evaluation or have made complaints about their leadership style. Not everyone makes a great boss and not all employees are the model employee. Lead by example.

Not all employees stand for nothing and fall for anything. Not all employees are comfortable with pretending; in layman’s term…play the game.

It is okay to not be liked by my superiors; be it I do not conform or adhere to what you think I should be by not participating in anything that is not mandatory. This should be respected; just allow me what should be allowed to all employees.

Don’t try to retaliate against me, place false information in my employee file, or make other employees afraid to interact with me because you have made things personal.

Get to know your employees and you will come to understand who they are.

Many people behave the same in their work lives as they do in their personal lives. That’s if they are not pretending but even so there are things about their personality and character that will give you a true evaluation of who they are.

You cannot treat someone with disrespect and expect them to treat you with the upmost respect. Respect is mutual. “Do unto others as you will have them to do unto you.”

Written by: -L.J. 01/15/2019

Heart Problems

Who’s responsible for the hardening of your heart?

Many of us have allowed bitterness to block the valves to our hearts. This valve blockage is not allowing the proper flow of blood to reach our brains which has frizzled our thinking.

Some of us seem to believe that we are the only ones affected by the hurdles of life. We think that no one understands or has endured similar things in life.

Many of us are affected by heart worms and if we do not rid our hearts of the worms we are surely going to die. You will leave this world with a heart filled with bitterness, hurt, anger; everything minus love and kindness.

Some of us have atherosclerosis which is a condition caused by plaque that forms along the walls of the arteries. Many of us are plaque by hate, resentment, and unforgiveness that we have allowed to block the flow of love to enter our hearts.

We do not feel good ourselves…

We do not love ourselves…

We are desensitized to the needs and feelings of others. We hurt others without a care or a belief that we are hurting someone else. We use our own hurt as a defense mechanism hoping that others will see that we are hurting.

We refuse treatment that can help fix our heart problems; we refuse take the medicine. We keep holding on to the pain. We are selfish, self-centered; everything is about us. We do not believe that we are the reason why our heart condition is not improving; we are not following the doctor’s orders.

Seek the treatment that is needed to fix your heart issues.

Do not allow your heart problems to become irreversible. Do not go into cardiac arrest or develop congestive heart failure because you want let go of past hurt and pain.

Many of us are holding on to things from our childhood.

No one is the remote control to your life. Only you have the power to change the channel or to turn off the set. We all have the power to release and let go.

Some of us will not beg another one’s pardon, even if they asked for it. Some of us have a heart that is so cold that even a blood transfusion of warm blood could not melt it to allow our hearts to pump it.

Get your examination today; put it off no longer if you want to live a vibrant and healthy life. Release, let go, and love.

Written by: -L.J. 01/14/2019

Give A Dog A Bone

There are many bone carriers that reside in the workplace. They are eager to rat another employee out as an attempt to become the “Teacher’s Pet.”

In other words, to ensure a higher standing with their superiors. It is a sad sight to see but they seem to believe that what they do is not noticed.

This is all the reason to lose respect for another human being. If I know that my fellow employee may have made a mistake. I am not going to go above their heads. I will go and speak to my co-worker directly.

We all make mistakes. Even those that are eager to carry the bone. I see many mistakes made, if I can fix it, I fix it, or I allow my co-workers the opportunity to correct his or her mistakes.

There is no need to run to the boss. I always say that I would not want to be a supervisor are just as eager to keep the torch lit. The same person running to tell should be the person to be investigated. Those that are keen to tell are often the ones that are not doing the right things.

We are all adults but why does it feel like we are in kindergarten? Many supervisors and managers are just as guilty as charge to witness division among their employees.

Some use this as a source of retaliation; to make their other employees feel out cased.

It does not matter the title; someone is eager to not bury the bone.

Not only is the workplace filled with bone carriers, families have the same issues. You have family members that will come to your home and spill the tea on other family members but notice how they never speak negative about themselves.

When these very same family members leave your house, they run to another family member house and will only repeat what you said or lie about something that you were supposed to have said.

Some members of your family never have anything good to say about anybody else; except them and their children. Let them tell it, everyone else in the family is doing badly or they are wishing bad upon them.

And then you have those family members that engage in the negative talk about everyone else but believe that they are not in agreeance but was just listening to what was being said.

If you do not stand up for those that are not present or excuse yourself from the conversation you are a bone carrier.

Remember to always examine yourself because we can all benefit from a makeover. No one is perfect and mistakes are bound to happen but let us not continue to be insensitive to others and their mistakes.

If you are thinking about carrying a bone; bury it first so that it puts an end to the viscous cycle of negativity.

Written by: -L.J. 01/14/2019